Today in History, 2/29

Today is Leap Day! Because we consider a year to be 365 days and it takes about 365 days and 6 hours for the Earth to go around the Sun, an extra 24 hours has to be added every four years. Leap Days are also called "bissextile days" which sounds a lot kinkier than it really is.

1504: Christopher Columbus uses his knowledge of a lunar eclipse that night to convince Native Americans to provide him with supplies. Doctor Who used this trick 100 years previously on the Aztecs.
1704: During Queen Anne's War, French forces and Native Americans raid Deerfield, MA, killing 100 men, women and children.
1904: Jimmy Dorsey, bandleader, is born.

1916: In South Carolina, the minimum working age for for factory, mill and mine workers is raised from 12 to 14 years old.
1916: Dinah Shore is born.

1920: Michele Morgan, French actress, is born. She's done nothing that I've ever seen, but the house that she had built in 1944 at 10050 Cielo Drive, Los Angeles, CA later became the site of the gruesome Manson Family murders of Sharon Tate and her guests.1928: Joss Ackland is born. He's played slickly evil guys in a number of movies. For example, he was the evil diplomat in Lethal Weapon 2 who says, "Diplomatic immunity!" to Sgt. Murtaugh after gunning down Riggs.

1936: Alex Rocco is born. He played Moe Greene in The Godfather and has made a pretty good living playing various mobbed-up guys. He allegedly has real mob connections.1940: For her role in Gone With the Wind, Hattie McDaniels becomes the first African-American to win the Academy Award.1944: Speaking of mobbed-up guys, it's also Dennis Farina's birthday. He usually plays either cops or mafiosos (as in, Ray Barboni in Get Shorty) but he also provided the voice of an all-but washed up Wildcat in Justice League Unlimited. Don't get him mixed up with Frank Vincent (Billy Batts in Goodfellas) or they'll both kick your ass.1972: Hank Aaron becomes the first player in the history of Major League Baseball to sign a $200,000 contract.
Today in History elements mostly cribbed from The History Channel, Wikipedia, The New York Times, The Jewish World Review, The Writer's Almanac and anything else I can dig up.

When you're a nerd, you're a nerd all the way!

When you're a nerd, you realize that there are limitless opportunities to learn new things. And then you tell people about them.

For example, I've never been too familiar with David Bowie. Here is the sum total of my knowledge of David Bowie:
1) Rebel Rebel is one of my favorite songs.
2) He got in trouble back in the 70's for dressing up like a Nazi.
3) He was the bad guy in Labyrinth.
4) He created the trivia craze of the 1980's (Bowie always was a trendsetter).
5) He is the Sovereign of the Guild of Calamitous Intent on The Venture Bros.
In the Venture Bros episode "Showdown at Cremation Creek" we see Bowie with his two henchmen: one tough-looking guy with no shirt and some kind of German guy in a stylized tuxedo who can shriek like the Black Canary. I had no idea who these guys were - I just thought they were weird looking guys Jackson Publick came up with and let it go at that. But as it turns out, they were based on real Bowie henchmen!
The guy with no shirt is Iggy Pop. Here's the sum total of my knowledge of Iggy Pop:
1) He sang the closing theme to the move Repo Man. I had that soundtrack on vinyl, man.
2) He played the disc jockey in the underappreciated (and sadly, not out on DVD) Hardware.
The German guy is Klaus Nomi. Here is the sum total of my knowledge on Klaus Nomi:
1) Who?
My cursory Google search reveals that he was the arty German version of Tiny Tim. He sang songs like Leslie Gore's "You Don't Own Me" in a very high voice.

Something that I had taken as a throwaway gag actually turned out to be a pop culture reference that was going completely over my head!
Remind me not to get in a fight with Iggy Pop, by the way.

Today in History, 2/28

1784: John Wesley charters the Methodist Church.
1827: The Baltimore & Ohio Railroad is incorporated, becoming the first railroad in America offering commercial transportation of both people and freight.
1849: Regular steamboat service from the west to the east coast of the United States begins when the SS California dock in San Francisco Bay, 4 months and 21 days after leaving New York Harbor.
1854: The Republican Party of the United States is organized in Ripon, WI.
1883: The first vaudeville theater opens in Boston, MA.
1900: During the Second Boer War, the 118-day Siege of Ladysmith is lifted.
1906: Bugsy Siegel is born.
1915: Zero Mostel is born.
1923: Charles Durning is born.
1926: Svetlana Alliluyeva is born. She was Stalin's daughter (which must have sucked) and wound up defecting from the Soviet Union.
1930: Gavin MacLeod is born. He was the captain of the Love Boat.
1942: Frank Bonner is born. He played the unctuous Herb Tarlek on WKRP.
1945: Bubba Smith is born. He played pro football for awhile, but I remember him best as Hightower in the Police Academy series.
1947: Stephanie Beacham is born. She played Moriarty's gal pal, the Countess Bartholomew in the Star Trek: TNG episode "Ship in a Bottle" but prior to that, she was a scream queen in such British horror films as And Now the Screaming Starts and Inseminoid.
1948: Bernadette Peters is born.
1948: Mercedes Ruehl is born.
1951: A Senate committed lead by Estes Kefauver (D-TN) issues a report saying that there are at least two criminal syndicates operating in the US.
1955: Gilbert Bottfried is born. He provided the voice of Mr. Mxyzptlk on Superman: TAS.
1957: Cindy Wilson, one of the big-haired gals from The B-52's is born.
1960: Dorothy Stratten is born. She was a Playboy Playmate and the star of the just terrible sci-fi comedy Galaxina before she was murdered.
1970: Daniel Handler, aka Lemony Snicket, is born.
1983: The final episode of M*A*S*H is broadcast in the US, becoming the most watched television episode in history with about 125 million viewers.
1993: The standoff at the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, TX begins with the deaths of four BATF agents and five Davidians.

His average age was nineteen!

Dad and I were just talking about the age difference between WWII recruits and Vietnam recruits (yes, that's what my Dad and I talk about) and this song popped back into my head from wherever it had been hiding for the last 20 years.


On the schoolyard, back at the R. Dudley Seymour School (grades 4-6), we used to come up with parodies of this song for old people: "89! 89! His average age was 89! The golf course! The golf course! Boca Vista!"

Well, David Rivera and I thought it was funny at the time.

There lies a breast massagin' man (Lord, Lord!)

Massage robot for women who want 'pretty breast'

The portable Breast Massage Robot simulates the professional massager's hand movements while automatically adjusting itself to fit various breast shapes. The result is a comfortable massage at a fraction of the cost.

I challenge that infernal contraption to a breast massagin' duel! Man against machine an' I reckon that I'll come out on top or die trying! (video is SFW)

That was a waste of time

Those of you who follow the thrill-a-minute adventure that is my life know that I am up for a promotion here at Huge Heartless Company, Inc.

As it turns out, I just learned that my estranged girlfriend Vera is having a sexual affair with her scumbag boss at whatever company she works for. To get over my heartbreak, I'm going to follow in the footsteps of my father and go practice medicine in Vietnam.
No wait, that's the current plotline of Mary Worth.Actually, while my parents are off gallivanting around the world I have to raise my two younger siblings and still maintain my position as star basketball player for Milford High. No, dammit, that's Gil Thorp! Curse you and your spit curl, A-Train!
No, the real story is that I didn't get the job. Someone more technically skilled than I got it and I was never even in the running. I was the Mike Gravel of this particular contest. That extra 10 grand a year sure would have been nice, but then again, the stress probably would have wound up being more trouble than it was worth. Sour grapes? Why, yes, thank you! Don't mind if I do! I'm just kind of annoyed that I wasted two months of perfectly good worrying on it. That stuff doesn't come cheap, you know! I think tonight calls for the twin foundations of the British Empire: Scotch and Doctor Who.

Today in History, 2/27

1560: The Treaty of Berwick, intended to expel the French from Scotland, is signed by England and Scotland. It wouldn't take.
1801: Washington, DC is placed under the jurisdiction of Congress.
1807: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow is born.
1860: Abraham Lincoln makes a speech at Cooper Union in New York City that is largely responsible for his election to the Presidency.
1864: During the Civil War, the first Northern prisoners arrive at Andersonville Prison, GA.1892: William Demarest is born. He played Uncle Charley on My Three Sons.1900: The British Labour Party is founded.
1902: John Steinbeck is born.1910: Clarence "Kelly" Johnson is born. He was a genius aircraft designer who worked for Lockheed's Skunk Works design facility. The list of planes he either designed or contributed on the design is a laundry list of famous aircraft: the P-38 Lightning, the F-80 Shooting Star (the first successful American jet fighter), the F-104 Starfighter, the C-130 Hercules, the U-2, the SR-71 Blackbird, and the AH-56 Cheyenne - and that's just a partial list! My personal favorite is the P-38 Lightning, but I've always been a piston snob.1917: John Connally, Governor of Texas, is born. He was in the car with Kennedy when Oswald fired and was wounded in the attack.1932: Elizabeth Taylor is born. She's been married, like, a hundred times and was once targeted for assassination by the Manson Family.1933: The Reichstag in Germany is destroyed in a mysterious fire.
1934: Ralph Nader, consumer activist and perennial presidential candidate, is born.1940: Howard Hesseman, aka Johnny Fever, is born.

1943: Mary Frann is born. She played Bob Newhart's wife on Newhart.1958: Nancy Spungen is born. She was Sid Vicious' girlfriend.1962: Adam Baldwin is born. He played Jayne Cobb on Firefly and is not related to any of the other Baldwins.

1980: Chelsea Clinton is born. I don't care what Rush Limbaugh says, I always thought she was attractive.1986: The United States Senate allows its debates to be televised.
1998: Britain's House of Lords votes to end 1,000 years of male preference by giving a monarch's first born daughter the same claim to the throne as a first-born son.

Today in History elements mostly cribbed from The History Channel, Wikipedia, The New York Times, The Jewish World Review, The Writer's Almanac and anything else I can dig up.

Jayne, the man they call Jayne!

Attn: Browncoats
Adam Baldwin is auctioning off his "cunning hat" that his Ma sent him to benefit the Marine Corps-Law Enforcement Foundation. I imagine only rich Alliance types will be able to afford it.

I'll wait until they auction off something that Morena Baccarin wore.

Today in History, 2/26

1564: Christopher Marlowe is born. He was a contemporary playwright of Shakespeare's.
1797: The Bank of England issues the first one-pound notes.
1802: Victor Hugo is born. He wrote Les Miserables and The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
1815: Napoleon Bonaparte escapes from Elba to begin his second conquest of France.
1829: Levi Strauss, inventor of blue jeans, is born.1846: Buffalo Bill Cody is born.
1852: John Harvey Kellogg is born. Check out Anthony Hopkins' portrayal of him in The Road to Wellville.1863: President Abraham Lincoln signs the National Banking Act into law.
1866: Herbert Henry Dow, founder of Dow Chemicals, is born.1870: In New York City, the first pneumatic subway opens.
1882: Husband E. Kimmel is born. He was commander of the Pacific Fleet during the Pearl Harbor attacks and that pretty much finished his career. During the attack he was grazed by a 50 caliber bullet and is reported to have said, "It would have been merciful had it killed me."1887: William Frawley is born. He played Fred Mertz on I Love Lucy.1908: Tex Avery is born.

1916: Jackie Gleason is born.
1917: The Original Dixie Land Jass Band records the first even jazz record for the Victor Talking Machine Company.
1918: Theodore Sturgeon is born. He was a titan of the golden age of science fiction and also is credited with inventing pon farr: the Vulcan mating ritual on Star Trek
1919: Congress establishes most of the Grand Canyon as a National Park.
1920: Tony Randall is born. I won't curse you with another musical number from Hello Down There!1928: Fats Domino is born.
1932: Johnny Cash is born.

1935: The Luftwaffe is reformed.
1935: Robert Watson-Watt carries out a demonstration that would lead directly to the invention of radar.
1951: The 22nd Amendment is ratified, limiting a president to two terms in office.
1952: Prime Minister Winston Churchill announces that the United Kingdom has the bomb.
1990: The Sandinista are defeated in Nicaraguan elections.
1991: Tim Berners-Lee introduces the first World Wide Web browser.1993: The first World Trade Center bombing.
2001: The Taliban destroys two giant Buddha statues in Bamyan, Afghanistan.Today in History elements mostly cribbed from The History Channel, Wikipedia, The New York Times, The Jewish World Review, The Writer's Almanac and anything else I can dig up.

Today in History, 2/25

1570: Pope Pius V excommunicates Queen Elizabeth I.
1793: George Washington holds the first Cabinet meeting as President of the United States.

1797: Colonel William Tate and his forces surrender after the Last Invasion of Britain.
1836: Samuel Colt receives a patent for the Colt Revolver.1837: Thomas Davenport, of Brandon, VT receives a patent for the first electric motor.1842: Karl May is born. He was the Zane Grey of Germany and the primary reason why there are still nonstop flights from Berlin to Phoenix.
1870: Hiram Rhodes Revels (R-MS) is sworn in as the first African-American Senator.1888: John Foster Dulles is born. He was Eisenhower's Secretary of State. He is also credited with coming up with the "rollback" plan that came in so handy for defeating the Soviet Union during the 1980's.1901: J.P. Morgan incorporates US Steel.
1901: Zeppo Marx is born.1913: Jim Backus is born. He is most famous for playing the millionaire on Gilligan's Island, but I just saw him playing another millionaire in the Tony Randall/Janet Leigh undersea comedy Hello Down There. Man, that was a weird movie. He's not in this clip, but you get the idea. That's Baby Richard Dreyfuss, in the red shirt, by the way.

1913: The 16th Amendment to the US Constitution, giving Congress the power to levy and collect income taxes, goes into effect.
1917: Anthony Burgess is born.
1919: Oregon levies a 1 cent per gallon tax on gasoline, becoming the first US state to tax gas.
1927: Bluegrass musician Ralph Stanley is born.

1928: Larry Gelbart is born. He is most well known for creating the TV version of MASH.1933: The USS Ranger is launched, becoming the first purpose-built aircraft carrier.1935: Sally Jesse Raphael is born.
1943: George Harrison is born.

1949: Wrestler Ric Flair is born. I met him one in, of all places, a hair salon in Windsor Locks, CT.1965: Carrot Top is born. I'll do everyone who reads this blog over breakfast a favor and not post the horrifying picture of him with tons of muscles and not many clothes. Some things Man was not meant to know.
1966: Tea Leoni is born.1971: Sean Astin is born. He played what's-his-name in Lord of the Rings.

Today in History elements mostly cribbed from The History Channel, Wikipedia, The New York Times, The Jewish World Review, The Writer's Almanac and anything else I can dig up.

Today in History, 2/24

303: Emperor Galerius of Rome begins persecution of Christians.
1582: Pope Gregory XIII announces the Gregorian calendar.
1803: The Supreme Court, in Marbury vs Madison, establishes the principle of judicial review. This means that the Court has the power to overturn laws which it feels are inconsistent with the Constitution.
1836: Winslow Homer is born. He is mostly know for his marine landscapes (marinescapes?) but he also did some work in the White Mountains of New Hampshire.1839: William Otis receives a patent for the steam shovel.1868: Andrew Johnson becomes the first President to be impeached by the House of Representatives - he is later acquitted by the Senate.
1874: Honus Wagner is born. He is considered to be one of the greatest baseball players of the dead-ball era.1885: Admiral Chester Nimitz is born.
1909: The Hudson Motor Car Company is founded.1917: The US Ambassador to the United Kingdom is given the Zimmerman Telegram, in which Germany pledges to ensure the return of New Mexico, Texas and Arizona to Mexico if that country declares war on the US.1920: The Nazi Party is founded.
1921: Abe Vigoda is born.
1925: A thermite bomb is used for the first time to break up a 250,000-ton ice jam clogging the St. Lawrence River.
1931: Dominic Chianese is born. He played of my my favorite characters, Uncle Junior on The Sopranos.1938: A nylon-bristled toothbrush becomes the first commercial product to be made with nylon yarn.
1942: Joe Lieberman is born.
1945: Barry Bostwick is born. He played Brad in The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
1947: Rupert Holmes is born. He wrote one of the worst pop songs in history, Escape (The Pina Colada Song). He also wrote one of the few pop songs to extol wonders of cannibalism, Timothy. Just read these lyrics and tell me this song isn't about cannibalism. Timothy is allegedly a duck, but if you can find that anywhere in the song, I'll buy you a Coke.

Trapped in a mine that had caved in
And everyone knows the only ones left
Were Joe and me and Tim
When they broke through to pull us free
The only ones left to tell the tale
Were Joe and me

Timothy, Timothy, where on earth did you go?
Timothy, Timothy, God why don't I know?

Hungry as hell no food to eat
And Joe said that he would sell his soul
For just a piece of meat
Water enough to drink for two
And Joe said to me, "I'll have a swig
And then there's some for you."

Timothy, Timothy, Joe was looking at you
Timothy, Timothy, God what did we do?

I must have blacked out just around then
'Cause the very next thing that I could see
Was the light of the day again
My stomach was full as it could be
And nobody ever got around
To finding Timothy
Timothy...

Here's a link to The Buoys' unnervingly bouncy version.

1947: Edward James Olmos is born.
1951: Debra Jo Rupp is born. She played the Mom on That 70's Show.
1955: Steve Jobs is born. He's one of two Steves who founded of Apple Computers.1965: Jane Swift, former Governor of Massachusetts, is born.
1966: Billy Zane is born. "Stow it, Zane!"1968: The Tet Offensive is halted and South Vietnam capture Hue.
1970: National Public Radio is founded.
1981: Buckingham Palace announces the engagement of The Prince of Wales and Lady Diana Spencer.
1989: United Airlines Flight 811 en route to New Zealand from Hawaii rips open during flight, sucking 9 passengers to their doom.

Today in History elements mostly cribbed from The History Channel, Wikipedia, The New York Times, The Jewish World Review, The Writer's Almanac and anything else I can dig up.

Today in History, 2/23

1455: The Gutenberg Bible, the first Western book printed from movable type is published.

Not Steve! Johannes!

1633: Samuel Pepys is born.
1648: Arabella Churchill, mistress of King James II of England is born. Not that I'm going to tell James II his business, but I don't think devout Roman Catholicism and having a mistress are compatible with each other. I couldn't find a picture of her, so here's one of Catherine Zeta Jones.1778: During the American Revolution, Baron von Steuben arrives at Valley Forge to help train the Continental Army.1836: The Siege of the Alamo begins.
1848: John Quincy Adams dies.
1861: President-elect Abraham Lincoln arrives secretly in Washington, DC after an assassination attempt in Baltimore.
1868: W.E.B. DuBois, early civil rights leader, is born1870: Mississippi is readmitted to the Union.
1903: Cuba leases Guantanamo Bay to the US "in perpetuity."
1904: The US gains control of the Panama Canal Zone for $10 million.
1915: Paul Tibbets, pilot of the Enola Gay is born.1917: Demonstrations in Saint Petersburg, Russia kick off the February Revolution which leads, later that year, to the Russian Revolution.
1919: Benito Mussolini forms the Fascist Party in Italy.
1927: The Federal Radio Commission (later renamed the Federal Communications Commission) begins to regulate the use of radio frequencies.
1930: Horst Wessel, Nazi ideologue, is murdered.1932: Majel Barrett is born. She is best known for playing the long-suffering Nurse Christine Chapel on Star Trek: TOS.1940: Peter Fonda is born.
1941: Plutonium is first produced and isolated by Dr. Glenn T. Seaborg.
1942: The first shelling of the US mainland occurs as a Japanese submarine fires on an oil refinery in Ellwood, CA.
1944: Johnny Winter, guitar virtuoso, is born.

1945: During the Battle of Iwo Jima, a group of US Marines (and one often forgotten US Navy Corpsman) reach the top of Mount Suribachi and plant the US flag.1947: The International Organization for Standardization (ISO) is founded. Who could have predicted that, through their ISO 9000/9001 standards, they would become the primary producer of pure, unrefined evil in the world?
1951: Patricia Richardson is born. She played the smokin' hot Mom on Home Improvement. She also, apparently, had a small role in the classic C.H.U.D. so I'm going to have break out the DVD of that this afternoon.1952: Brad Whitford, guitarist for Aerosmith, is born.
1954: The first mass inoculation of children against polio with the Salk vaccine begins in Pittsburgh.
1955: The first meeting of SEATO (the Southeast Asia Treaty Organization) is held. It's always been NATO's plain sister.
1955: Tom Bodett, shill for the Motel 6 chain, is born. He looks a lot more badass than I had pictured him.1955: Howard Jones is born. He did a slew of dreadful pop songs in the '80's, including "I'd Like to Get to Know You Well" which was used in the soundtrack to Better off Dead.
1964: John Norum, guitarist for Europe, is born.

1965: Kristin Davis is born. She plays that lady who is really easy on Sex and the City.1965: Michael Dell, founder of Dell Computers is born.
1970: Marie-Josee Croze is born. She was in the Quebecois classic The Barbarian Invasions.
1974: The Symbionese Liberation Army demands $4 million to release Patty Hearst.1991: The ground phase of the Persian Gulf War begins as US troops cross the Saudi Arabia/Iraq border.
1994: Dakota Fanning is born. She was just about the only good thing in that War of the Worlds remake.

Today in History elements mostly cribbed from The History Channel, Wikipedia, The New York Times, The Jewish World Review, The Writer's Almanac and anything else I can dig up.