History Spotlight, 2/22

It was on this day in 1797 that the famed "Last Invasion of Britain" by the French begins. "What?" my fellow history nerds are saying, "The last time the French invaded Britain was 1066! Explain yourself, good sir!" Well, 1066 was the last successful French invasion of Britain, but 1797 was the last unsuccessful French invasion and therein hangs a tale.

In 1797, Napoleon was engaged in full-on war in Central Europe. He didn't have time to keep an eye on what the government of France (called the Directory) was up to, nor did he really care. As long as they kept the cannons and cannon fodder coming he was content to leave them alone. As anyone who works in a large corporation can tell you, unsupervised bureaucrats are a recipe for trouble. In this case, the Directory thought they could best help out Daddy by mounting an invasion of Wales and Western England and rallying the oppressed country people to march with them on Bristol and then London. The fact that the country people weren't feeling that oppressed didn't occur to them. Who comes up with a plan like that? It's like marching on North Dakota to get them to secede from the Union.

Because Napoleon had all of his really crack troops tied up at the front, the Directory scoured the local prisons and press-ganged hardened criminals into service. In military matters, nothing says, "doomed to failure" like conscripted felons. The troops (such as they were) were put under the command of an Irish-American man in his 70's named Colonel William Tate. Tate had a bone to pick with the British as his family had been killed by Native Americans under the employ of the British during the American Revolution. Unfortunately, he had less military experience than I do.

This motley corps of 1,400 soldiers set out from Camaret, France on February 18. The original plan was to land at Bristol, burn it to the ground and then march north through Wales rallying the populace. Tides and the weather worked against them, so they settled for an alternate port up the coast at Fishguard. As the ships entered the bay, they were greeted with cannon fire and promptly ran away. Unbeknown to them, that one volley comprised the sum total of all the ammunition in the town. The French ships moved up the coast to a deserted beach and unloaded the troops. Then the ships left for France to carry the news of the successful invasion of Britain.

Fishguard

The troops quickly captured the sleepy port of Fishguard. Within two days, however, the invasion fell apart. Most of the soldiers were former prisoners who were half-starved from their days in the joint. All of that rich food, coupled with the unfortunate arrival of a Portuguese ship full of wine meant that they spent most of their time looting, eating and getting drunk. When a local militia comprised of townspeople from Fishguard and nearby towns was raised, the French offered little resistance. In fact, a local woman, Jemima Nicholas, captured 12 French soldiers armed only with a pitchfork. All of the prisoners were eventually exchanged with France for British POWs and it is assumed that Napoleon gave the Directory a good ass-kicking.

In 1997, in celebration of the 200th anniversary of the invasion, the town fathers of Fishguard commissioned the Fishguard Tapestry. It is a parody of the Bayeux Tapestry but instead of the 1066 invasion, it depicts the 1797 invasion. It is one of the biggest tourist attractions in Fishguard.